Moved Permanently

I don't want nothing from no machine
With no ragged edges and crystal clean
Dave is into Eddie for two thousand dollars and has no idea how he is going to pay it back. He tried Harold, but Harold was tapped out. He tried Max, but Max's terms were worse than Eddie's. He even tried Tight Albert Morrison. Tight Albert told him to drop dead.

Plastic, processed, boring, bland
Wouldn't make noise with a marching band
Worst of all, Dave knows that Martine will leave if he doesn't have any money. She says she won't, but he knows she will. It is for her he accumulated the debt in the first place. She says he didn't have to, but he knows he did.

I want a story with a twisted theme
Dave's only remaining option is to go see John Schwartz and offer his services. Dave does not want to do this. Word is Uncle John always has a job that will pay you more than you're worth, but what he expects from you later on may not be worth the price.

Trace down the length of your nylon seam
The breeze from the window fan does nothing to cool the room but ripples Martine's skirt as she adjusts her hose. She is talking to someone on the phone. She says it's her sister. Dave sits on the edge of the bed, smoking, paralyzed by his insurmountable debt and the vision of her cherry-red toenails.

Neckline low and hemline high
A splendid evocation of the back of your thigh
There is a long-standing rumor that no one has ever seen Uncle John anywhere other than sitting behind his desk. His enormous gut starts at his breastbone and flops onto the desktop. He smokes a cigarette in a long black holder. A flat-screen TV hangs on the wall. An angry-looking middle-aged woman sits behind some sort of table and leans into a microphone to speak. On the bottom of the screen are the words, SENATOR BOXER GRILLS ATTORNEY GENERAL. "I'm Dave Johnson. I hear you have a job needs doing. Local. Quick."

Your half-open mouth as red as juice
A torn fishnet turns the seafood loose
Uncle John snaps his phone shut, satisfied. "OK, kid." He hands Dave a package wrapped in brown paper and tied with twine. It is just big enough to hold a DVD player or perhaps an assortment of garden seeds. "Ocean Forest Hotel, Room 334. Give the package to Mr. Lawrence and nobody else."

A genuine pulp Technicolor dream
Brush my finger down your nylon seam
As Dave walks past Uncle John's secretary in the outer office she stands behind her desk with one leg in her chair. Her skirt drapes her naked thigh as she rolls her knee-high stockings down.

Ankle-strap, spike-heel, painted toes
Two thousand miles of open road
He stops off to tell Martine they will soon have the money they need, but she isn't there. Perhaps she is at her sister's.

I don't know, but I've been told
A seam-legged woman don't never run cold
The Ocean Forest Hotel is indeed by the ocean, but the nearest forest is ten miles inland. The front doors are bigger than Dave's apartment. He walks into the lobby and wonders where Martine really is. A newspaper lies on the phone table by the elevator. The headline reads, SENATOR CHURCH GRILLS CIA CHIEF.

Seize my breath and clutch my heart
A living work of cover art
The elevator takes its time getting to the third floor. The elevator operator reads a paperback novel with a woman on the cover whose gauzy dress is flipped up nearly to her waist as she rolls her fishnet stockings down. Dave has read the novel. He remembers a passage in which the narrator discusses a mob boss whose wife was so wanton that when he was away he would not permit her to keep any clothes in their penthouse suite. When he was not there she was trapped, naked, in the penthouse, unable to walk out the door.

Down and dirty and a little mean
Split wide open your nylon seam
Dave walks down the hallway to room 334 and knocks on the door. The woman who opens the door is naked and holding a pair of white stockings attached to a garter belt. She looks a bit like Martine, but not quite. She bends down and picks up the newspaper that lies in front of the door. After glancing at the front page, she holds out a hand to Dave. It takes him a moment, but he finally says, "I was told to give this only to Mr. Lawrence."

The twenty-first century is blurred and faint
She steps aside. Dave sees a man sitting on a sofa, smoking, wearing a trenchcoat, but his legs are bare and he wears house slippers. "Stay out there. Slide it across the floor." Through a doorway behind him another woman who looks nothing like Martine sits on the edge of a bed and rolls her sheer black stockings down.

Give me cigarettes and lead-based paint
The man on the sofa picks the package up off the floor, carefully unwraps it, and looks inside. He then looks back at the woman on the bed and nods. She reaches over to the phone on the bedside table, lifts the receiver out of its cradle, and begins to dial.

Sex is sinful and can ruin a man
As Dave walks back toward the elevator, all the other doors open at once. Out of each doorway steps a naked woman. They all bend down and pick up the newspapers that lie in front of all the doors. Some of the naked women pause to read the headline: SENATOR KEFAUVER GRILLS SMUT PEDDLERS. And below the fold: STAG FILM STARLET TO TESTIFY. Then they all step casually back into their rooms and close their doors.

Blot your lips 'neath that slow-turning fan
On the way down to the lobby, the elevator operator is reading a different novel.

An engine room compressing steam
"Hold on." Uncle John puts down the phone and hands Dave an envelope containing two thousand dollars. "I'll be in touch."

A saucer thick with the sweetest cream
After he pays Eddie off, Dave goes back to the apartment. Martine is still not there. Dave waits for two days and she is still not there. On the second day his phone rings. "John Schwartz. Got another job for you. Quick and quiet. Be in my office in half an hour."

The hottest woman I've ever seen
Dave walks out to the beach and tosses his phone in the ocean. He drives to the nearest convenience store and buys a newspaper and a paperback novel. Then he goes back to the Ocean Forest Hotel.

Don't straighten out your nylon seam.